Tuesday, 1 March 2011
So
It wasn't so much how he smelt, or the heat of the room. It was the way the light was sitting, a silvery blue. It was perfect and I'll never forget.
Saturday, 26 February 2011
I write the most beautiful things about you, I bet you didn't know.
When did I become this girl. I'm losing sight of myself and I actually feel really lost. With Sara haze blasting on repeat I'm seeing a bit clearer. I won't apologise anymore and be this passive aggressive girl. Because I'm angry. I'm angry at the world and at people and at the weather and I'm done stifling it up inside. Because I dont want to be depressed again. I don't want to hate myself again I dont want to cut again I dont want to feel ugly and dirty I don't want to hit another wall and I don't want to feel this way. I wish everything was just simple. Black and White. No grey, no red. Black and White. Like summer.
I told you I needed some space, I needed to look after myself. And I do, where has the last year gone hey? Wasted. I've wasted it away on a lost cause. That's you, your broken. Unfixable some say. But yeah. I do need space, but that hasn't made me look after myself it's just made me think more. More time to think of me rather than you. And I hate it. Seeing myself this weak and naive is horrible.
I couldn't sleep last night. I don't think you minded much.
I told you I needed some space, I needed to look after myself. And I do, where has the last year gone hey? Wasted. I've wasted it away on a lost cause. That's you, your broken. Unfixable some say. But yeah. I do need space, but that hasn't made me look after myself it's just made me think more. More time to think of me rather than you. And I hate it. Seeing myself this weak and naive is horrible.
I couldn't sleep last night. I don't think you minded much.
Tuesday, 18 January 2011
none of it was ever worth the risk
I have lost all faith in humanity,
I remember in Reception my teacher said to us '' Always Make Sure You're Okay Before You Help Others'' At the time i thought that was ridiculous. How could i put myself before someone who is in need of help or advice. And for years i lived like this, Always being second, always helping others. Just a bubble of empathy. I guess i thought i was good at it. I was good at making people better, i was certain of it. So i would just help everyone, stick everyone's lives together and hold the pieces that didn't fit with my own hands. But eventually you just get tired. Your hands begin to ache, other peoples troubles begin to weigh you down and you realise you weren't meant to hold their life together. You were just meant to mutter a few words of encouragement when you met. That was your purpose in meeting them. But as always you had to better, had to be responsible for them, always putting them first. I just can't do it anymore. So all those years ago, In Reception i really wish i'd listened to my teacher and put myself first. If you put yourself first your happy, simple. Never compromise yourself for others. Because in the end you cant save them, you never could.
I remember in Reception my teacher said to us '' Always Make Sure You're Okay Before You Help Others'' At the time i thought that was ridiculous. How could i put myself before someone who is in need of help or advice. And for years i lived like this, Always being second, always helping others. Just a bubble of empathy. I guess i thought i was good at it. I was good at making people better, i was certain of it. So i would just help everyone, stick everyone's lives together and hold the pieces that didn't fit with my own hands. But eventually you just get tired. Your hands begin to ache, other peoples troubles begin to weigh you down and you realise you weren't meant to hold their life together. You were just meant to mutter a few words of encouragement when you met. That was your purpose in meeting them. But as always you had to better, had to be responsible for them, always putting them first. I just can't do it anymore. So all those years ago, In Reception i really wish i'd listened to my teacher and put myself first. If you put yourself first your happy, simple. Never compromise yourself for others. Because in the end you cant save them, you never could.
Sunday, 9 January 2011
Im such a waste.
I used to have a way to make me feel fucking better. I just fucking hurt myself and it would fucking go. and i cant fucknig do that now.
so i need to fucking suck this shit up and get on with my life.
I am sometthing, maybe not to you. but to others. Ive saved lives, ive inspired people and ive made people laugh.
That should be enough for you. But its not and i fucking hate that.
You have no fucking idea how bad i want to fucking make this all just go away sometimes.
Flik just shut the FUCK up.
I used to have a way to make me feel fucking better. I just fucking hurt myself and it would fucking go. and i cant fucknig do that now.
so i need to fucking suck this shit up and get on with my life.
I am sometthing, maybe not to you. but to others. Ive saved lives, ive inspired people and ive made people laugh.
That should be enough for you. But its not and i fucking hate that.
You have no fucking idea how bad i want to fucking make this all just go away sometimes.
Flik just shut the FUCK up.
I guess i knew it would happen,
Its just the way you hold youself, your so strong i feel it. When im with you i can feel it. And its so fucking beautiful, i just want to capture it. Your beautiful.
Like sometimes i can just look at you and im mesmorised, i dont care how tacky that sounds, You totally hypnotise me.
Its just the way you hold youself, your so strong i feel it. When im with you i can feel it. And its so fucking beautiful, i just want to capture it. Your beautiful.
Like sometimes i can just look at you and im mesmorised, i dont care how tacky that sounds, You totally hypnotise me.
Friday, 7 January 2011
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