none of it was ever worth the risk

I have lost all faith in humanity,

I remember in Reception my teacher said to us '' Always Make Sure You're Okay Before You Help Others'' At the time i thought that was ridiculous. How could i put myself before someone who is in need of help or advice. And for years i lived like this, Always being second, always helping others. Just a bubble of empathy. I guess i thought i was good at it. I was good at making people better, i was certain of it. So i would just help everyone, stick everyone's lives together and hold the pieces that didn't fit with my own hands. But eventually you just get tired. Your hands begin to ache, other peoples troubles begin to weigh you down and you realise you weren't meant to hold their life together. You were just meant to mutter a few words of encouragement when you met. That was your purpose in meeting them. But as always you had to better, had to be responsible for them, always putting them first. I just can't do it anymore. So all those years ago, In Reception i really wish i'd listened to my teacher and put myself first. If you put yourself first your happy, simple. Never compromise yourself for others. Because in the end you cant save them, you never could.

What you think i fucking sit around waiting for you all day.
and when and only when it suits you i can see you.
I really fucking needed you today.


Now or Fucking never.
Suck my FUCKING DICK.

Im such a waste.
I used to have a way to make me feel fucking better. I just fucking hurt myself and it would fucking go. and i cant fucknig do that now.
so i need to fucking suck this shit up and get on with my life.
I am sometthing, maybe not to you. but to others. Ive saved lives, ive inspired people and ive made people laugh.
That should be enough for you. But its not and i fucking hate that.
You have no fucking idea how bad i want to fucking make this all just go away sometimes.

Flik just shut the FUCK up.

I guess i knew it would happen,
Its just the way you hold youself, your so strong i feel it. When im with you i can feel it. And its so fucking beautiful, i just want to capture it. Your beautiful.
Like sometimes i can just look at you and im mesmorised, i dont care how tacky that sounds, You totally hypnotise me.

Feeling so let down by the world
Fuck
Fckfuck

People always comment on how short my clothes are ect... its sort of a trademark of mine now, i guess. Like im not a slut, and i dont act or dress like a slut
but my legs are like the only good part of me, and im young, let me be :)
Im realising now that like im such a depressed kid, all the time,
but im letting go a bit,
of you
so ill be good from now on i guess

I'm bored,
Like of everything, bored of sticking people back together
And bored of always being the one to make the effort
And of my life
Get me back to college
And my new years resolution is to try less
I'm gooing to be happy this year, if you'll let me