I feel so incredibly alone right now,
Its funny how when certain people are asleep you feel totally lost.
So currently I feel lost. Lost and tired and awake and anxious and angry.
But mostly I just miss you :/ more that you know I think. I miss you and I'm lonely amd eugh.
Shut up flik.
Your wearing yourself out.

Imaginary, you're fucking imaginary. The things you say don't mean shit, never did. So I'm cutting you out. Anyway, that's what you wanted wasn't it? I'm gunna taunt you and cut you down and make you remember


Its christmas soon :)

im a fucking joke

You want to know what this feels like?
It feels like you just told your deepest, darkest secret to your best friend to find that she runs on stage and shouts it out to the whole world. From then on everywhere you turn, no one quiet knows how to react. Your exposed. Your skins been peeled from your muscles, your bones, Your ribs are cracked and your hearts dangerously close to stopping. It feels like everyone who looks into your eyes sees straight into your mind. Straight into your soul and sees everything you need, desire, the things you do when your sat alone, the times you've though that perhaps there are people watching, cameras, anything. It feels like all the hurt has just been bottled up at sea, and you found it washed up upon your tiny, deserted island; and not knowing what to do, you opened it. And in that tiny moment your world crashes down around you. All the walls you've buit up to protect yourself. They didnt mean anything, they cant protect you from this.
It's that split second when you leave your house and you think your naked, the moment your foot slips on the staires and lightning shocks through your body and into your toes, the time when your young and you turn around to find that mums not there in the busy street. Your raw and open and empty. Alone.
Its shit.

Tears dont mean you're losing, everybodys bruising.

Looking back now and theres so much i wish i could change if i could. Reget is the worst feeling ever. Becuase you just think what if. What if i protected you better, maybe if i stayed up late with yuo and sheltered you and stopped you, maybe we'd be in a different place. But i didnt, so i cant change that.
I wish i had the courage to say all these things i want to. The im sorrys, the I love you's the thank yous. Becuase i think what if i died tomorrow, like, would you cry? or would you just think ' oh were not that close anyway'
i know ive changed, but i had to. like now im happy, i am finally myself, and im making less and less mistakes, Becuase im a big girl now. Recently ive learnt how to deal with alot. And im trying to fix things, i really am. I just have these temptattions that are had to push aside. But i do coz im stronger now than i was then, so i have a shout. write it in my diary. Have a cry. Breathe and move on. What else can i do.
Ive lost alot, and believe me i know what ive lost.
shit happens though right?
not to everyone.

Dont lose it all in the blur of the start.
Seeing is decieving, dreaming is believeing,
Its okay not to be okay,

Its okay not to be okay.

Nonononono.
Eugh.
So this is how it is.
I've slowly taught myself how to not feel this, and to not miss people. Ive learnt how to not have sympathy and to hate self pity.
But it just got so hard. And about 5 minuets ago everything hit. Everything.
Last night I was so scared.

I'm so sorry, soso sorry. I didnt want to make you feel like that I just get so tired.

Not long.

None of you have a fucking clue.
Everythings shit.

I love my boyfriend
I love becca, she's incredible. You don't get loyalty like hers. You never had anything on her. Shes fucking amazing.

Flik. Sort your fucking life out.

I missed my bestfriend.
So fucking much.